Six years ago, in 2011, I started a journey that landed me exactly where I stand today....I want to share a blog from this day six years ago...lest I forget....
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In the past 24 hours, the strangest thing has happened to me. My mind is flooded with music. It has been silent for years. A necessity possibly, for my sanity. I woke up this morning with a song in my head....
"Open the eyes of my heart lord, Open the eyes of my heart. I want to see you....I want to see you....."
I ran into the living room and type the chorus out..so i would not forget. The words from thousands of songs are competing for my attention as I let them flow and pray about the message God is trying to tell me. Its been along time since I listened closely and answered. He has a lot to say.
There was a time, when any sentence spoken to me would trigger a song in my head. Music was my life, and very air I breathed. I know thousands of songs by heart, in my soul. Thankfully the gifts of God abide, they do not run away because you haven't worked out your calling. The calling of God is without repentance. You can put it aside, as I have for a season, but when he lines the universe up for you, and says go...you really just have to step in that direction.
I began reading one of my favorite books last night. The God Chasers. Its a book I studied extensively in a former life. I am reading it again, with new eyes. A new look at how this powerful teaching can apply to me, and so many like me. Stripping away the tradition i was bound down with for so long and in its place, simply looking at the words with a love filter. It opens so many doors.
I once shared a message about the woman with the alabaster box to our congregation. It seems so appropriate right now. God revealed so much to me through this story and the sacrifice of love that she made in washing Jesus feet with her offering of praise and sacrifice. A true worshiper. She got it. The people around her never did.
You may read this and wonder...what is this? Who is this person writing these things? Well the answer is this. You never really knew me. Not really. Its not your fault. Its just the way life happens sometimes. I am not a person to be putting myself out on the line if I am not ready to step up to that line myself. I have been away for a season. I am back. You may decide that I am not the person you thought you knew. You might not like this person. But that's OK. I am still me. I am still the person you know. I am just walking a different path. A wide path, that has room for you on it if you would like to join me. If not, that's OK. But it is my path. The one I have always been on. And its OK to be who I am. And its OK for you to be who you are.
To the people who have wondered where I have been, I say this. God and I have never parted ways. We have talked. We have argued. We have struggled with each other. But never once, not for one minute did I turn my back on God. I simply walked away from the Church for a season. Until there was a door placed in front of me to walk through. And when it was clear this is the door that GOD placed in my road, I was not taking a step. This has happened for me now, and I am sharing it with you. No apology. Its just my truth.
Stay tuned. A change is coming in Redding like you have never seen. Its time!
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