Far above rubies

King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

I dabble in sales.  I am really good at it.  I do not enjoy it.  Its not a skill set I nurture.  I am forever explaining to people a simple sales concept.  Whatever you are selling is worth exactly what someone will pay for it.  No more.  Even if its worth more to you, it has to have value to the one purchasing it.  If you price it too low, it seems too good to be true, to high and you have exceeded what the market will bear.

I was spending time this morning in my Garden.  Praying.  I have been seeking God on a specific issue in my life.  One of identity and value.  And he really spoke into my spirit this morning regarding this.  He told me this:

You have set your value too low.  You give away what should be precious, hard to find and rare.  You lavish it on people who do not value the gift, and never make deposits into you.  They take, demand more and have no appreciation for the sacrifices made so they can have the things from you they want. If you don't set your value higher, no one else will either.

Ouch.  Well then.  I guess that was really clear.   It really is my fault.  Not in the way I thought, but in a real tangible way that my price tag is simply too low.

Whats the price of your love?  Your care?  Your sacrifice?  Does it reflect the admiration God has for you?  Or are you selling yourself at outlet prices?  BOGO?  Perhaps you need to upsell your line to a better store.  Set yourself as the ruby you are, not the tin ring from the bubble gum machine.

Come with me to Saks,  to Fifth Avenue, where someone of your caliber and value belongs.  You may sit in the window until just the right buyer comes along, a discerning person with great taste and a special place to let you dwell in their lives.  Much better than being placed in a ziplock and thrown on the shelf or in a junk drawer.  You do not belong in the dollar store,  your price is far above rubies....

God's Megaphone

Wednesday I was blessed to lead worship for our midweek service, "Spirit Infusion" as we call it.  Its an amazing hour of pure worship topped off with communion.  Its a very cool time.

I came tonight in my new identity.  The one where I visualize myself stepping out of a phone booth and putting on my worship cape as I approach the the throne room of God. 

My personal theme this week has been identity.   Believing, embracing my call and viewing it through the eyes of Christ.  I believe with everything in me that NOW is the time for my ministry.  I have pressed through the fire, through the storm and have held my ground in the face of insurmountable obstacles.  So I have decided that I will act as if i have as much faith in me as God does.

I was excited about the service, yet when we started there was a small turnout.   It makes no difference to me if there are ten or ten thousand.  I eagerly approach the throne!  It was a slow start until I finally reached the place where I stopped and he started.  And then. Wow.  Seriously.  Just wow. 

I got the best compliment of my life from my Pastor after it was over.  He said,  "you didn't do anything tonight.  Not a single thing."  I smiled,  hugged him, and said, "Nope.  Not a thing.  I hope people always say that.  Matter of fact, I hope they say,  Barb didn't even show up tonight,  was she even here?"

That is how its supposed to be.  Less of me.  More of him.

Why is your Valley so LOW?

Yea tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, thou art with me...

Sometimes I watch people crawl through valleys on their knees.  Alone.  Scared.  Abandoned and miserable.  Not only is God with you in those moments, often times there are soldiers from your Christian army attempting to draw up around you with swords drawn!

I am amazed when the downed soldier screams out..NO! Put away your swords!  Do not defeat the enemy!  Allow him to come slay me!  I deserve this horrific punishment in my life!

How many wounds are you healing from which are self inflicted?   How many are not at the hands of a powerful enemy but at an opportunistic blow because you drew a target on the spot that would hurt the most?

Our biggest challenge in our christian walk is not Satan.  It is not finances.  It is US.  Our struggle with unworthiness, refusal to accept help, refusal to believe in our own position in the kingdom of God.  Our belief deep down that all those promises are real, but are for someone else!

I see this mostly in myself.  I received a powerful prophetic word over my life last Saturday.  Joyous amazing wonderful things poured out like oil over me.  It took all of about thirty seconds after it was over for me to start analyzing, pigeon holing, adjusting to fit my own picture and rewording the promises of God to a script that was acceptable to my own concept of my future.  To fit the picture of myself that was much less than God saw for me.  

Why do we do that?  I have spent the last couple days really praying about this issue in myself.  I see it all around me.  Its like when you buy a certain new car.  All of a sudden you see one everywhere you go.  That's how my radar is right now on this topic.  I see people take a blessing and make it less.  Not because they really want less, but because they believe, like me, that LESS is what they deserve.  They can't see their potential in the eyes of God.  They are so covered with curses and life that all they see are the lies they have believed.

I pray today that you are able to cast away the filters on your destiny.  Even if you cant fully embrace the view of yourself as worthy, start with not neutralizing it with negativity.  Start with not arguing with God, rewriting his word or changing the concepts to something more comfortable.  Start there.  Act as if you are worthy.  You will find yourself walking different, talking different.  Being different.  Its OK to prosper. Its OK to have peace.  Its OK to have your dreams happen around you!

Failure is not an option

"What makes you think you have a right to lead anyone?"  A question I have heard whispered in the background.  A question I have had thrown at my Pastor and Spiritual Leaders.  Why her?  Her sin is spectacularly offensive!

There have been many moments in the past few years I have wished I was OK with failing.  Because if I were, I would shrink quietly back from the attacks, the judgments, the people who have elaborate betting pools on when it will happen.  There is a large supply of Shasta County quarters out of circulation from buying a square on that cow-pie bingo.  I have stood seemingly impervious to the whispers, the shouts, the veiled insults, the outright confrontations.  I have attempted to offer grace and patience and explanations to people who truthfully have earned none of the above.

The short answer, and quite possibly the only answer that matter is this:  I am chosen.  I am called.  I am obedient and I am standing in the center of Gods Will for my life right now.

I'm in love with God, God's in love with me.  This is who I am, and this is who I will be and that settles it. COMPLETELY.

I can't tell you how personal those words are to me.  I could offer you a story, an explanation that would chase away your concerns.  I could spend my energy making your flesh comfortable or I can simply be about the Fathers business.  I choose to work.

I overheard someone make a comment the other day, "Whats up with Barb?  I have heard some things!"

I chuckled to myself.  Whats up with Barb indeed!  You have heard some things?  Really?  That's awesome.  You must have heard about the dozens of people that have committed their lives to Christ at the Good News Rescue Mission in the last few months!  Praise God!  The homeless people who clutch tightly to the copy of our poorly recorded CD because there is a song on there that makes them FEEL.  Praise God!  The people who will always get my attention no matter how busy I am or what I NEED TO DO at right that minute when there are tears in their eyes because they made a bad choice and they are SURE God doesn't love them anymore?  Praise God someone told you that story!  You heard about my Son making the Honor Roll despite his frustrations with his new school?  Praise God because I am so proud of that boy!  You heard about my Church growing leaps and bounds and the anointing so strong that you can't stay on your feet even when you try?  Praise God for that report too!   You heard that I got mad and lost my cool because of people not taking the work of our ministry seriously and letting their indifference spill over onto the people who desperately need God?  Well Praise God for that too.  I am human.  Life happens.  I will apologize and start over tomorrow

I am nothing.  No one.  I do not exalt myself above anyone.  I am half a paycheck from being right where the people I love and serve are.   I am simply a vessel.  A broken one.  One that God saw enough value in to  mend, seal up the crack and pour into me so much grace and love that it had to flow out to others.

I am not discouraged when I come under attack.  I know I am in line for promotion.  This time of transition can be painful, but oh the joy that comes in the morning!!!

I see heaven

The joy of outreach ministry is they are just so darn happy to see you!  I was setting up my music set tonight and I had no less than fifteen people come up, so excited we were there.   It makes you take second and pause to reflect on the fact that YOU are the highlight of someones day.

We always start fifteen minutes early.  We like to have the extra fifteen for celebratory worship, and it lets us get deeper in reflective music, without watching the clock so much.  We ministered with Pastor Brock Bernstein tonight, and its one of my favorite nights at the Mission.  He flows in the anointing, lives for it, hears the voice of God, and is all around awesome.  We do the anointing dance together so well.  Rarely stepping on each others toes which is a rare gift.

We hit on a song tonight, I see heaven as done by Brian and Katie Torwalt, and started doing the lead-in progression as he ministered.  As he did, God started giving me words to share..free flowing worship.  Healing waters flowing from his feet..it was powerful and amazing.  The harmonies kicked in from Terry and Judy and it was heaven.  We finally transitioned to the real song and it was exactly the right song, at exactly the right time.  There is a sweet spot in worship you hit, that is like honey flowing.  You know when you hit it.

Ironically, I have been leading worship for about 25 years.  But in the past two years God has really began giving me revelation and understanding and anointing that is far beyond anything I have ever experienced.  For instance, the prophetic worship, free-flowing words that are not scripted or planned, just flowing.  That is a new thing for me.  I come from a structured worship background where they don't sing from a projector, they sing from a hymnal.  A big jump to relax, trust my anointing and just flow.  This sweet spot of anointing is not new to me, but the way I treat it is.  I treat that sweet spot as the destination, not a step in the journey. Its the destination we are at, its where we stay.  Instead of looking for the next place God wants me to lead the people to, I now focus on keeping them right where HE is.  I fear I am guilty in the past of walking right past him.  Now, when I find him, I stay right there at his feet until HE is done.  That is a shift.

All of the skills I am expanding are part of the process.  They are proof that we are always evolving and growing. That there is always more to learn, and the more sensitive you are to the anointing and leading of God the farther he will take you.  THERE IS NO LIMIT TO HOW DEEP YOU CAN GO.

Forgive me for neglecting your heart...Forgive me for neglecting mine...

Busyness.  Its a reality in our worlds.  We multitask so well that we do nothing well.  One of the things I do is write.  But lately, I have been remiss.  So many amazing blessings are showered into my life that I don't take time to share, and so many challenges present themselves to me that I often get swallowed up before I share the process of victory.

We overcome by the blood of the lamb, and by the word of our TESTIMONY.  See, our testimony is a powerful thing.  It tells the world we are human.  It tells the enemy he is defeated, and it tell God we are paying attention.

So I am setting up a blog here, separate from my other ramblings, sharing and observations to share the things that matter.  Or don't.  But to share none-the-less.

So, follow along.  The view from here, is different than the view from there.  It's what the mirror sees that you look into, opposite, different and refracted.  Maybe a reflection of your life in mine.  Maybe a reflection of God once in a while.  Lets see where we go.